Army for Murdering Perfection
by Exile Wrath
Summary: One night, a pair of fanfic writers fall asleep in front of their laptop. When they wake up, they find themselves running from Hibari in the halls of Namimori. Why? "I am OC, one of the fanfiction gods. I got sick of your whining about the number of Sues, so you will be purging them!- "But we don't speak Japanese!" Mary-Sue bashing, no romantic CanonOC, realistic author self-insert


**LISTEN UP: We don't own KHR. This is an actual author insert. These are our real names and physical appearance. These are realistic reactions. There will be Mary Sues. All Sues will be MURDERED. **

**Hieu-Hanh cusses a lot. Hieu runs mind games with you. Got it? Good. Now you can read.**

**Pairings: Variant every universe.**

* * *

"Gah!" Hieu Nguyen seethed in despair, scrolling down a website while reading with an obvious anger mark on his head. Next to him, his lookalike cousin Hieu-Hanh Nguyen had a similar reaction, although hers went more along the lines of gritting her teeth and muttering death threats. "10 of THOSE of one page!"

"Cousin, shut up before my parents wake up," the female Viet reprimanded in a quiet voice. "And you do remember what happened last time they caught us sneaking the laptop into our room?"

"Of course I remember. We only caught because YOU traumatized me with one of your favorite 6927 lemons. You were supposed to give me some kind of warning, damnit!" he hissed, giving her a momentary glare before scrolling down the page some more. "And how am I supposed to be quiet when 2/5 of the summaries on page 1 scream "Mary-sue"? I'd rather read another of those 6927 or 1827 lemons than read any of these horrific hunks of word."

A sarcastic grin spread across the fujioshi's face. "You finally see the light of yaoi, cousin."

"Shut up! If anything, those stories at least have better grammar and I know when to close my eyes to keep my sanity!" Hieu snarled in displeasure.

"Well…" Hanh stared in horror at the screen in front of them, "I'm just as upset about the Mary-Sues. But unfortunately, FFNET would rather target MA-rated fics than these Eldritch Abominations. It's not their fault if some perverted underage kid goes into the M-rated stories area to read."

"CU, I curse you," Hieu grumbled before clicking on a crackfic that had just updated. "Those people should experience death by Sue. They'd still be alive, but too traumatized to report any poor fics."

"Good idea. But no matter what, these Sues are…bleh," Hanh agreed, reaching for the laptop to start typing a review.

Eventually, the two's heads slumped down and the pair of identical cousins fell asleep in front of their laptop, still at their desk.

* * *

"_I'm sick of your complaints!"_

* * *

_Thud._

"Ow! Effing hell, what happened?" Hanh cursed, rubbing her head with pain from contact between her skull and the floor.

_Whumpf._

Suddenly, a familiar figure landed on top of her stomach, making her lose her breath and it took her a few minutes to recover herself enough to give her snoring cousin the evil eye. "Hey, heavy-sleeper! Wake up before I hack your PayPal account!" she screeched in his ear.

Hieu lifted his head, scrambling upwards when he realized their position. He rubbed his eyes blearily. "Wha? Where are we? Out room doesn't have tiles..." Outside, the sun peeked some rays over the horizon. "A hallway?" he asked, and Hanh looked around, observing that she and her cousin had landed in the middle of a hallway, tiles stretching on to their sides.

"What the phở?" Hanh stood up and pressed herself to the large window in front of them, staring at the courtyard outside. They were on the third floor of a four-story building that surrounded a large courtyard in front and there was a gate between the street and the yard. On a sign by the gate, there were...Japanese characters? "Hieu, look outside."

"Don't order me around," he snapped but complied anyway, and it seemed that the already cold corridor dropped several degrees at his sudden burst of killing intent. "Why the hell are we in a Japanese middle school?" Hieu snarled, "Is this another one of those wacky shared lucid dreams?"

Hanh furrowed her eyebrows as continued to stare out the window. "How do you know this is a middle school?" she asked in their first language, English. The two were Asian-American, their home in Riverside, California, and she did not remember her cousin ever taking Japanese courses.

"I memorized the kanji for chuugaku after watching so much KHR," he explained, "I hope we wake up soon. We're still in our pajamas, and the last time we ended up like this in our pajamas it wasn't very comfy." Hanh glanced at their reflections in the glass. The two of them were dressed in identical sleeping outfits of their high school PE shorts, a white undershirt, and a black tank top for him and a dark blue one for her. "At least we fell asleep wearing our glasses this time."

"So we're in Japan until we wake up from this lucid dream. Fuck," she swore, handing Hieu a hair tie as they both pulled up their hair in small ponytails.

"Shut up, cousin." Hieu detached himself from the window and started walking down the hallway. "At least we're not dreaming about some anime. Do you realize how freaky the Earl and his talking umbrella were?"

"Good point." With that Hanh began following him down the hall, their bare feet plodding against the cold tile softly. They continued walking until they reached a staircase and started going downwards. "But I have a feeling that this isn't a normal lucid shared dream of ours."

They reached the first floor and Hieu scoffed, "Yeah right. It's not possible to go from our house to somewhere in Japan in less than five hours."

"Ja, but..." Hanh still couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong with their dream.

"_Sōshoku wa, roshutsudo no takai fuku de gakkō no shikichi-nai ni shin'nyū shi nani o shite iru no? _(Herbivores, what are you doing on school grounds in such immodest clothing?)" someone snarled in definite Japanese. The cousins stepped near each other, tensing up for whatever was going to happen in their dream. When the speaker stepped around a corner, wielding a pair of tonfa, their eyes widened in shock and recognition.

"Oh phở. We are in an anime again," Hieu cursed, backing up.

"Hibari...Kyouya..." Hanh stammered, her mouth going dry. "I have no idea what he just said, but I have a feeling that we're screwed."

The Head of the Disciplinary Committee narrowed his eyes at the strange duo that had dared trespass on his Nami-chuu. Both of them were breaking the school's dress code, were on school grounds outside of hours, and were definitely speaking in English, but too rapidly for him to understand anything. All well, if they didn't speak Japanse, he could just get an English teacher to help him interrogate them. Raising his tonfa, he charged them. "_Kamikorosu_"

The fanfic writers automatically recognized his catchphrase that translated into "I'll bite you to death", backed up several paces, and broke into a sprint. "Run for it!" Hanh screamed, Hieu right next to her and Hibari hot on their heels. They dashed frantically around the building, afraid of what would happen if the bloodthirsty anime character caught them.

However, the cousins turned into a dead end. Turning back around, they dropped into defensive stances and all they remembered next was black.

* * *

"You guys pass the test," a brunette woman clapped as the two raised their heads off a black tile floor blearily, "About time someone did; the last bunch of girls tried to persuade Hibari that she was his old childhood friend and I had to fail them right away."

"Excuse me?" the female asked, getting up dizzily and grabbing her cousin's arm, "Who are you and where the hell are we?" The woman frowned at her coarse language but shrugged it off.

"My name is Olivia Camden, or OC for short. As fanfiction writers, you two would know me better as Original Character," she introduced cheerily. The now-awake Hieu observed her warily. Short brown hair, blue eyes, pale skin, and average height. Just a normal woman dressed in what was most definitely Target knockoffs. "As for where you are, you're in my office in the universe of Fanficcia."

Cue jaw drop. "Eh?" they uttered, eyes filled with disbelief. "Do you really expect us to believe that? This is some TV show, isn't it? Where's the hidden camera crew?"

Olivia frowned and pursed her lips. "Darnit, you guys are just too suited for the job," she shook her head resignedly, "No, I am one of the Fanfiction Goddesses, Original Character. Would you like proof?" The duo immediately nodded, making Olivia sigh once again. "Name one of the countless OCs you have made."

"Rokujou Akito," Hanh said hesitantly.

"Teritsukeru Kaen, KHR version," Hieu added on.

OC rolled her eyes. "Of course you two choose your current OCs," she commented snidely before snapping her fingers. Hieu and Hieu-Hanh started coughing as thick, black, choking smoke filled the area. Well, where they were was more like a dark space with no walls, black floor, no ceiling, and only a lightbulb above Olivia's head for light.

"Where are we? Kaen, Tsuna, are you there?" a voice that the writers had only ever imagined called out. To Olivia's right, a rather tall androgynous person appeared, with long hair in a high ponytail and black eyes, wearing a casual shirt and jeans. Hanh's jaw dropped.

"Akito, I'm here. Where's Tsuna? Weren't we in the middle of dinner?" a redheaded man answered. His hair was slightly spiked on one side, and his green eyes surveyed the area warily. "Who are you three and where are we?" he demanded, eyes landing on the cousins and Olivia, who simply said,

"So, you guys believe me now?" Hieu and Hieu-Hanh nodded rapidly, and the Fanfiction Goddess clapped her hands, making Akito and Kaen disappear. "I, like I said, am Original Character. Well, technically my full title is Olivia O.C. Camden, Goddess of Original Fanfiction Characters. Thus, one of my abilities is to summon original characters used in fanfics to this realm. Got it?" they nodded, "Good."

"You guys are on the continent of Fanficcia, the world of fanfiction. You are in your real bodies. If I decided to kill you right now, your bodies in the real world would never be found," she smirked slightly at the sliver of fear that the mortals in front of her were emitting. "Fanficcia is actually a floating landmass that orbits the great planet Canon, which has different continents named..." out of nowhere, a whiteboard appeared.

* * *

_One geography lesson later..._

* * *

"Understood?" Olivia scowled at the bored expressions of the teens in front of her. Drawing back her arm, OC threw the marker she had been writing with at Hanh's forehead. "Summarize what you just learned!"

"Ow!" the girl yelped, clutching her forehead in pain. Olivia glared at her an Hanh paled as the marker reappeared in her hand. "Fanficcia has thousands of cities, one for each fandom, where Author's Houses are. Some fanfic authors have many houses in several different fandoms. Author's Houses are where plotbunnies live and thrive. Fanficcia orbits the planet of Canon, which...!" she was cut off with OC waving her hand dismissively.

"Okay, okay, you pass. Hieu does too, since I'm too lazy to think up of another question."

"That's not fai- OWDAMNIT!"

"Shut up. Anyway, as to why you two are here..." Olivia clapped her hands again, and a rectangle of light appeared to their right, "I have the contracts in my office."

"One second, I thought you said this was your office!" Hieu cried as they followed OC out the doorway. As they stepped through, Hieu and Hanh blinked at the bright light. They were now in a well-furnished office, with a large desk that had an interactive map at the center of the room. There were several chairs, sofas, and potted plants scattered about randomly, and Olivia gestured for them to take a seat.

"I am _sick and tired _of your complaints," the goddess began. Seeing the cousins' evident confusion, she scowled, "You guys continually complain about the amount of Mary-Sues, and I always have to hear them!"

"My sincerest apologies," Hieu retorted sarcastically, leaning backwards in his chair. "But they really are irritating. I'm a guy, and I'd rather read an M-rated 6927 or 1827 than a Sue story," Olivia and Hanh grimaced, "Yeah. THAT'S HOW EFFING MUCH I DETEST THEM."

"No need to yell, geez," OC replied. "Well anyway, as of now, you two are drafted into the illustrious Mary-Sue Murdering Army!" When there was no reaction, OC raised an eyebrow. "You two aren't saying anything? I'd think you two would be jumping at the chance!"

"You're kidding us, right?" Hanh asked with obvious boredom, crossing her arms and glaring at Olivia. "For one, we don't speak Japanese. For two, we are normal people that would probably die if we were forced to go up against a motherf-" a glare from the goddess made her blanch and reword herself, "For three, we like our sanity, thank you very much." Olivia rolled her eyes.

"_I'm a goddess. _I know that," she muttered boredly, "That's why you guys get three wishes each. Each wish will have your signatures appear on the contracts."

"Wait, we don't get a choice to do this or not?" Hieu interrupted. OC shook her head and smirked.

"I said you two were _drafted. _You have to do this or I'll kill you. You can start wishing now!" she stated cheerily as if she hadn't just threatened their lives. "Three wishes each."

Hieu and Hieu-Hanh exchanged looks resignedly. "You go first," he offered.

Hanh turned to face Olivia. "I wish for us to have an auto-translate function for all languages, please. and I mean we see things as if they were written in English, hear things as if they're speaking fluent English, and when we say things, they ear it in whatever language they were speaking-"

"Wait, that wouldn't work," Hieu injected.

"What do you mean, dear cousin?"

"Think about it! We would hear our Vocaloid songs in English..."

Hanh blanched, "Then what?"

"Um...how about...our minds. Wish for that we know Japanese, Italian, Chinese, whatever languages are necessary for our survival."

"But even if we know it, that doesn't necessarily mean that we can speak it. Knowing implies only understanding the language."

OC, having had enough of this, cut in, "Are you guys seriously _debating _about this, whatever this is?"

"Yes! Now shut up!" they chorused with a dark aura. The goddess blinked and wisely decided not to butt in.

"Then wish for knowledge of the language and like, a mental stimuli that forces us to reply in whatever language the other person was speaking in!" Hieu added after shutting up Olivia.

"There! That works! I wish for what he said!" Hanh said angrily, waving her arms around.

"That's what she said."

"I'm going to choke you in your sleep, you fu-"

"AHEM! Wish granted! Next wish, please," Olivia interrupted, "I have more people to test after this." On one of the papers that had mysteriously appeared on the desk, the cousins' signatures appeared at the bottom.

"I wish that we both have Power of the Author*," Hieu declared, leaning forward with interest, "And that it is usable in all universes."

"Wish granted, though I'll need to place restrictions on it." With that, their signatures appeared on the second piece of paper.

The male spoke again, "I wish that my cousin and I get to be born as twins in this world."

Olivia raised an eyebrow, "Why? Are you sure you want to use a wish on something as trivial as that?"

Hanh glared at her angrily, "To us, being born as twins means a lot. We already look alike and are close, but we're constantly separated because we're cousins. And if you're talking about the problem of it being biologically impossible, change my birthday to his."

Okay, okay, I get it. Wish granted, three left," Olivia muttered.

"One second, before we finish wishing, since we're being drafted, are there any freebies we get?" Hieu interjected.

"Yeah. It's in the contract." Olivia picked up one of the papers and gave it to the duo. "You get profiles of your targets and faster regeneration. By faster regeneration, I mean that stuff like a broken bone will heal in forty eight hours tops, no matter what. There's some other minor physical boosts like heightened awareness and night-vision^, But that's about it for your bodies. I will also send lookalike, identical OCs to the real world, your dimension, so no one will notice that you are missing. Oh, there's also a free time-controlling remote control that can only be used to add snarky comments, and cannot be used in battle. Unless you're going to make fun of the Sue's ridiculously long attack name. Then there's one random Sue-detecting animal, and last but not least...mind bleach."

"Mind bleach?"

"Mind bleach."

"Yes! We'll keep our sanity!" Hanh cheered.

OC cracked a smile. "Yes, free mind bleach. Can't have our soldiers going insane, after all. There's also a free apartment in your target town for you to use as shelter and a base for reconnaissance and contacting me. In this case, you guys' apartment will be in Namimori Town and located near Sawada Tsunayoshi's house and Namimori Middle School."

The cousins went pale. "We're going in KHR?!"

Olivia blinked a bit. "I thought that was obvious. I did use Hibari Kyouya to test you two, after all."

"I wish for Storm Flames; my weapon will be a pair of chain-connected Kama that are capable of conducting Storm Flames," Hieu-Hanh cried hastily, shock clearly written on her face.

"Hold it, kiddo," OC said, holding up a hand. "Flames will correspond with personality. I'm in charge of that tiny detail when you guys choose to wish for them."

"Then what are our Flames?" Hieu asked cautiously.

"You, mister," pointing at the teen, "are a Mist. How many times have you been the one to come up with a lie to get away with things, dear compulsive liar? Not to mention you manipulate people, and don't think that I haven't heard all the chess comparisons you like to use." Hieu went white, gripping the arm of his chair. "You're also a Cloud; both of you are. Always alone, ignoring other people and going your own way, no matter how many people you injure mentally or physically."

Olivia's keen gaze switched to Hanh, who squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. "You are mainly a Storm. Rude, offensive, always on your feet, cautious, wary. The one that always attacks. You are the one that actually dared sneak a razor blade in your eraser, acupuncture needles in a side pocket of your jacket, a godforsaken switchblade strapped to your thigh during non-school days, a sharpened KEY around your neck - what were you? Overly paranoid as hell?"

"Of course, you were. Both of you! Kids loaded with stress and with godforsaken schizophrenia running in your genes!" the two looked at each other, "And then you are emotionally dependent on each other. If one of you died, the other would follow into insanity or death. That's the only reason why I am taking you two in as a team for the Army - I haven't done it often, because we need to allocate our soldiers properly."

"How do you know all this?" Hanh whispered with wide eyes.

"I'm a goddess. And of course I look at your background before I draft you two!" Olivia said in a self-explanatory manner.

Hieu's knuckles gripping the couch were white with pressure. "Don't remind me..."

"Or what, the guilt's going to attack? When was the last time you made someone go into severe clinical depression, you manipulative boy? When's the last time Hanh sent someone into the hospital needing an immediate blood transfusion and having permanent mental trauma of whatever weapon she used?"

"Your lives are skewed up. Thus, this is a mandatory draft into the Army. You will be killing Mary-Sues. You will be taking time to restore your mental states, just like all the other soldiers. Your replacement Sues will fix up your...relationships. All you guys have to do is kill of Mary-Sues!"

"Why? Why us? Why are you intervening?" both of them synched in broken voices.

"I don't want you two to go off the deep end anytime soon. You two are rather interesting mortals, and I need people for my Army," Olivia shrugged. Then she snapped her fingers and the tension seemed to disappear. "So hurry up and finish wishing."

"I-I wish for a pair of chain-connected Kamas..." Hanh murmured, eyes glassy as Olivia's guilt-induced mental attack affected her.

"Wish granted." Goddess or not, OC was not above breaking her recruits mentally to get them into the Army. Opening up their mental scars was a highly effective way to persuade them.

"I wish for...a three-part staff that can convert into a halberd..." Hieu added.

"Wish granted. Last one." _Oh, how the mighty fall when the right words are used._

The cousins exchanged an uneasy glance and fell silent, "Hurry up, you two! I don't have all day!" OC snapped in annoyance.

"We wish to get Rings and Box Animals when Tsuna and the Guardians do."

"Wish granted." Their signatures appeared on the sixth piece of paper and the pages started glowing. "Welcome to AMP; the Army for Murdering Perfection, Hieu Nguyen and Hieu-Hanh Nguyen." The papers stopped shining and the cousins stared in shock as the ink disappeared and new words began appearing. "At the moment, I am writing your profiles. While this happens, I'll tell you more about the job."

"Each fanfic is a parallel universe to the canon. You guys will get the ability to hop parallels, as long as you are finished with your duties in whatever universe you are in. Your main task is to perform reconnaissance on all OCs in the universes you are sent to. If the OC is deemed Mary-Sue, they must be eliminated and all OOC damage caused by them fixed. This means making the canon characters realize that the Mary-Sue was a bad entity. If they are not deemed Sue, you are to write up a report detailing the reasons why the Sue is simply an OC."

"But isn't a Sue an OC? Like how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares?" Hanh blurted.

Olivia grimaced. "I am OC, daughter of Anna A.C. Camden, Goddess of all Author Creations. She has two children other than me: Austin A.U. Auxwhil, God of Alternate Universes, and my sister..." OC closed her eyes, as if remembering something painful.

"My sister, Mary M.S. Sue, Goddess of Mary-Sues."

Silence.

"Mary-Sue is your _sister_?" Hanh asked cautiously._  
_

"Yes. We're twins; she's a few minutes younger than me."

"Oh..."

"Mary is the embodiment of perfection for a purpose. She has millions of children, those things that you call Mary-Sues. They all can be roughly categorized into three types of Sue: Romance, Pairing, and Storyline. Romance Sues' main goal is to make a canon character fall in love with her or him. Pairing is there so two canon characters hook up; in essence, the great matchmaker. Storyline is there to mess with the events that happen in the canon itself. Each Sue might have flaws, but they are all tailor-made for their purpose."

"I, on the other hand, am just OC. I embody the _good _original characters that that are not perfectly made for their purpose and are...realistic. My children are realistic as people as well as characters. Case in point, one of the OCs you made recently: Sei Usomine. She has typical Japanese looks, she's in University like a regular twenty-five year old would be, she is the standard worrywart young adult, and her few Sue-ifying factors are being on good terms with Tsuna, escaping from a Gola Mosca, Yamamoto, Gokudera, Byakuran, and Mukuro somewhat alive, and being a former assassin. Other than that, she's good."

"Thank you for the compliment...?"

"In essence, she's not perfect. Those characters are what I embody. Your duty is to help the Army cleanse as many parallel worlds as you can. There are currently 2052 Army agents in the KHR-verse, but we need all the help we can get. However, to prevent our Sue-Slayers from becoming Sues, there are several rules that will be listed on the back of your profiles," OC stated as the cousins recovered their composure.

Hieu and Hieu-Hanh stared at Olivia, processing the information, "Anything else?" he asked quietly. "What about Byakuran?"

"He's going to cooperate with us. Whenever you deal with Sues involved with Marshmallow, he'll take you guys as prisoners and let you guys work. He won't kill you, but that doesn't mean he won't try."

"How reassuring," Hanh snarked.

"Also, as for your Power of the Author abilities, they can only be used three times a universe. You cannot kill Sues by simply writing," And _ died." or using Power of the Author to directly or indirectly kill them. There's no easy way out when it comes to Sues. Power of the Author can only be activated by using a computer or a writing implement and paper. And you have to write the command twice to activate your Authorship rights. Understood?"

"Ja," they replied.

OC smiled sadly. "Don't get killed, and no mater what, don't become Mary Sue or Gary Stu. You will wake up in your apartment the exact same way as your are now. I've also taken the liberty of duplicating your clothes from your universe to your apartment."

She clapped her hands twice, and the cousins found themselves in a free-fall. "Follow the rules you two! And if you ever meet my sister, don't kill her!"

* * *

Rules of the AMP:

1. All soldiers have a one week deadline to complete each universe. Exceptions may be given if dealing with multiple Sues in one universe.

2. No changing story flow.

3. No giving spoilers to canon characters.

4. You may fangirl over canon characters, but actively attempting to make them fall in love with you will have you deemed as Sue and purged.

5. (For males only: No falling in love with Mary-Sues. I know that they have nice bodies, but try to not drool too much, okay?)

6. Relationships with canon characters is dependent on whatever universe you were in before. EX - If you leave one universe with Vongola on a manhunt for you, the next universe will have them on a manhunt for you and so on and so forth until you resolve the problem. Thus: TRY TO NOT PISS OFF ANY CANON CHARACTERS.

7. Occasionally, I will dump you in the canon universe in order for you guys to get stronger or improve relationships with canon characters.

8. VIOLATION OF RULES WILL HAVE YOU TARGETED BY ANOTHER AGENT. Very few exceptions apply.

~Olivia OC Camden

* * *

**Exile: So. Another story.**

**Wrath: Yeah. This one will be more interesting, most likely. But did you have to make them exactly like us, cousin?**

**Exile: Well, it's more fun that way.**

**Wrath: Did you have to insert the part where she guilt-trips us?**

**Exile: Yes...**

**Wrath: ...screw you.**

**Exile: Hieu-Hanh (Exile) /Hieu (Wrath), are based off our actual lives, including appearance, history, and names. All things concerning these "OCs", such as reactions, were attempted to make realistic as possible. Do not kill us if you like CanonOC fics. We don't like them very much, so we made this fic to pursuit a bashing story of those...things called Mary-Sues.**

**We _only_ own the OCs in this fic.**

**Power of the Author is slightly self-explanatory. It's basically whatever you write comes true/happens/appears. The power that all authors have when it comes to their stories.**

**Night-vision: Basically, we can see better than a normal person can in the dark.**

**Review? (And maybe give some ideas for Sues to be murdered in cold blood?)**


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